SERIES: EPHESIANS: THE CALL AND CONDUCT OF THE CHURCH, WEEK 49

TITLE: THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF PARENTS

TEXT: EPHESIANS 6:4

INTRODUCTION: (1) THE HEART OF GOD’S TRUTH IS ABOUT GOD HIMSELF.

* WHAT I MEAN BY THAT IS, THE CENTRAL TRUTH OF OLD TESTAMENT REVELATION IS FOUND IN DEUTERONOMY 6:4 WHERE IT SAYS: “THE LORD IS OUR GOD, THE LORD IS ONE!”

** NOW THE COROLLARY TRUTH, THE PROGRESSION OR RESULT THAT FOLLOWS IS ABOUT MANKIND’S RESPONSE TO GOD IN THE NEXT TWO VERSES IN DEUTERONOMY 6:5&6 WHERE IT SAYS:

*** V. 5 – “YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL AND WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT.”

V. 6 – “THESE WORDS, WHICH I AM COMMANDING YOU TODAY, SHALL BE ON YOUR HEART.”

**** NOW CONTINUING IN THIS PROGRESSION OF OUR RESPONSIBILITY OF KNOWING GOD’S TRUTH AND LOVING GOD, WE MUST PASS IT ON.

(2) AND THE FIRST STEP IN PROCLAIMING GOD’S TRUTH WAS TO PASS IT ON TO CHILDREN IN THIS TEXT IN DEUTERONOMY.

* FOR DEUTERONOMY 6:7 SAYS: “YOU SHALL TEACH THEM DILIGENTLY TO YOUR SONS AND SHALL TALK OF THEM WHEN YOU SIT IN YOUR HOUSE AND WHEN YOU WALK BY THE WAY AND WHEN YOU LIE DOWN AND WHEN YOU RISE UP.”

** NOW PARENTS WERE TO CONTINUALLY SPEAK ABOUT THE THINGS OF GOD, SO THAT KNOWLEDGE AND LOVE OF HIM WOULD BECOME A MATTER OF LIFE AND BREATH FOR THE FAMILY.

*** NOW GET THIS, EVEN WHEN THE PARENTS WERE NOT SPEAKING ABOUT GOD, HIS TESTIMONY BEFORE THE CHILDREN WOULD CONTINUE.

**** FOR IN THIS PROGRESSION OF PASSING ON TRUTH ABOUT GOD IN DEUTERONOMY 6, THE NEXT VERSE SAYS IN V. 8: “YOU SHALL BIND THEM AS A SIGN ON YOUR HAND AND THEY SHALL BE AS FRONTALS ON YOUR FOREHEAD.”

(3) NOW EVEN WHEN THE PARENTS WERE NOT AROUND, THE TESTIMONY ABOUT GOD REMAINED, BECAUSE IT SAYS IN V. 9 OF DEUTERONOMY 6 IT WAS TO BE WRITTEN “ON THE DOORPOSTS OF YOUR HOUSE AND ON YOUR GATES.”

* IN OTHER WORDS, THERE WAS ALWAYS TO BE BOTH VERBAL AND VISIBLE COMMITMENT TO THE WORD OF GOD IN THE HOME.

** AND IT IS GOD’S PLAN FOR HIS WORD TO BE PASSED ON FROM ONE GENERATION TO THE NEXT.

*** AND HIS PRIMARY AGENTS ARE THE FAMILY AND THE FAMILY OF FAMILIES, THE CHURCH.

**** FOR THE APOSTLE PAUL IS WRITING TO A LOCAL CHURCH AT EPHESUS OR IF THIS IS A CIRCULAR LETTER TO SEVERAL CHURCHES AND TO THE FAMILIES THAT MAKE UP THOSE CHURCHES.

(4) AND BOTH OF THESE GOD ORDAINED INSTITUTIONS NEED TO BE COMMITTED TO PASSING DOWN TRUTH TO THE NEXT GENERATION AND THAT IS PERPETUAL.

* AND SPECIFICALLY PARENTS HAVE A VITAL ROLE IN TRAINING THEIR CHILDREN AND RAISING THEIR CHILDREN IN THE TEACHINGS AND DISCIPLINES OF CHRISTIANITY ALONG WITH THE CHURCH BEING INVOLVED IN A WONDERFUL PARTNERSHIP AND NEITHER INSTITUTION SHOULD BE BYPASSED IN THIS PROCESS.

** AND I SEE TWO EXTREMES TODAY. ONE LEAVES ALL THE TRAINING OF CHILDREN TO THE CHURCH AND PARENTS THINK THEY HAVE FULFILLED THEIR RESPONSIBILITY BY TAKING THEIR CHILDREN TO CHURCH.

*** THE OTHER EXTREME IS PARENTS BYPASS THE CHURCH IN THE TRAINING PROCESS AND ALTHOUGH THEY ARE ULTIMATELY ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR CHILDREN, THE CHURCH HAS VERY LITTLE OR NO PART IN THE TRAINING PROCESS.

**** NOW ULTIMATELY THE IDEAL IS THE FAMILY AND THE FAMILY OF FAMILIES WORKING TOGETHER IN UNISON, HAND IN GLOVE IN THIS TRAINING PROCESS.

(5) AND AS PAUL CONTINUES HIS INSPIRED INSTRUCTION TO THE CHURCH AT EPHESUS AND TO THE FAMILY UNIT, WE SEE TWO SPECIFIC RESPONSIBILITIES THAT PARENTS HAVE WHEN IT COMES TO RAISING THEIR CHILDREN.

* AND YOU WOULD THINK THERE WOULD BE CHAPTERS BECAUSE OF THE CHALLENGE THAT WE HAVE AS PARENTS AND CHURCHES.

** FOR PARENTING IS A HUGE PRIVILEGE THAT IS A GREAT RESPONSIBILITY WITH A HUGH ACCOUNTABILITY.

*** BUT ONLY ONE VERSE OF INSTRUCTION HERE. YET WHEN THE OTHER TEACHINGS OF SCRIPTURE SUPPORTIVE OF THIS VERSE ARE STUDIED AND APPLIED, EVERY PARENT AND FUTURE PARENT HAS ALL THE FOUNDATIONAL INFORMATION NECESSARY IN FULFILLING THEIR GOD-GIVEN RESPONSIBILITY.

**** AND OUR RESPONSIBILITIES AS PARENTS (WHICH IS THE TITLE OF OUR MESSAGE TODAY) CAN BE BOILED DOWN TO TWO COMMANDS.

(6) NO. 1 A NEGATIVE COMMAND TO NOT EXASPERATE OUR CHILDREN IN V. 4A AND NO. 2 A POSITIVE COMMAND TO BRING UP OUR CHILDREN IN THE DISCIPLINE AND INSTRUCTION OF THE LORD.

* AND BEFORE WE GET INTO EPHESIANS 6:4 TODAY, ONE QUICK FOOTNOTE. YOU CAN GIVE YOUR CHILDREN THE BEST OF EDUCATION, THE BEST OF MATERIAL THINGS AND A GREAT ENVIRONMENT TO GROW UP IN.

** BUT IF YOU DON’T FULFILL THESE TWO COMMANDS, YOU ARE FAILING OR HAVE FAILED TO BE THE KIND OF PARENT GOD WANTS YOU TO BE.

*** AND THERE IS SO MUCH EMPHASIS TODAY ON SCHOOL, SPORTS, BAND AND OTHER THINGS; MANY PARENTS CONSIDER THEMSELVES TOO BUSY TO KEEP THE CLEAR COMMAND OF EPHESIANS 6 AS A PRIORITY.

**** AND BELOVED THESE TWO COMMANDS MUST BE A PRIORITY IN RAISING THE CHILDREN OR GRANDCHILDREN THAT THE ALL-MIGHTY HAS ENTRUSTED TO US.

(7) AND OTHER THINGS THAT MAY BE GOOD AND NICE AND NOT WRONG MUST TAKE A BACK SEAT TO THESE PRIORITIES. WE MUST SEEK THE KINGDOM FIRST AND RIGHTEOUSNESS.

* SO DON’T LET THE PERSONAL SPIRITUAL TRAINING OF THE FAMILY AND THE FAMILY OF FAMILIES BE A THING OF SECOND IMPORTANCE, BUT OF PRIMARY IMPORTANCE AND THUS A PRIORITY. (IT’S EASY TO GET CAUGHT UP IN THE TEMPORAL).

** WITH THAT ADMONISHMENT IN MIND, WE’LL LAUNCH INTO OUR STUDY OF EPHESIANS 6:4 BY LOOKING AT THE NEGATIVE COMMAND FOUND IN THE FIRST PART OF V. 4. LOOK AT V. 4 PLEASE.

I. THE NEGATIVE COMMAND, (READ V. 4A)

A. NOW PAUL BEGINS HIS INSTRUCTION FOR RAISING CHILDREN BY ADDRESSING FATHERS.

* AND THE GREEK WORD TRANSLATED FATHERS HERE NORMALLY REFERS TO MALE PARENTS, ALTHOUGH IN HEBREWS 11:23 IT REFERS TO MOSES’ PARENTS.

** BUT NORMALLY IT REFERS TO MALE PARENTS. AND IF PAUL WANTED BOTH PARENTS TO BE ADDRESSED HE COULD HAVE USED THE GREEK WORD TRANSLATED PARENTS IN V. 1, “CHILDREN OBEY YOUR PARENTS.”

*** BUT PAUL USES A DIFFERENT GREEK WORD TO BEGIN HIS INSTRUCTION BECAUSE FATHERS ARE IN HEADSHIP IN THE FAMILY UNIT AS WE LEARNED IN EPHESIANS 5:23 AND ARE TO BE THE SPIRITUAL LEADERS OF THE HOME.

**** AND CERTAINLY BOTH PARENTS ARE HANDS ON, INVOLVED IN THE TRAINING PROCESS IN BRINGING UP THEIR CHILDREN.

1. BUT FATHERS AS THE SPIRITUAL LEADER OF THE HOME SETS THE COURSE, THE DIRECTION AS THE PROVIDER, PROTECTOR AND PRIEST OF THE HOME.

* AND THAT’S PROBABLY WHY THEY ARE ADDRESSED SPECIFICALLY HERE.

** BUT THERE MAY BE ANOTHER REASON, AND THAT IS, FATHERS HAVE A GREATER TENDENCY IN MY EXPERIENCE IN BEING TOO HARSH, TOO HARD, TOO RIGID AND IN THE PROCESS EXASPERATE THEIR CHILDREN.

*** I KNOW THAT FOR RAISING OUR CHILDREN, I WAS THE ONE WHO VIOLATED THIS COMMAND MORE THAN MY WIFE.

**** I MEAN I THINK WE AS FATHERS HAVE MORE OF A TENDENCY TO VIOLATE THIS COMMAND, NOT THAT MOTHERS DON’T. BUT CERTAINLY I THINK THE NORM IS WE FALL INTO THIS TRAP MORE.

2. NOW, SPECIFICALLY, WHAT DOES THE PHRASE, “DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO ANGER” MEAN?

* WELL, THE WORD PROVOKE OR EXASPERATE IF YOU HAVE AN N.I.V. LIT. MEANS TO ROUSE TO WRATH, TO IRRITATE, TO ANGER YOUR CHILDREN.

** AND TO PROVOKE TO ANGER SUGGESTS A REPEATED, ONGOING PATTERN OF TREATMENT THAT GRADUALLY BUILDS UP A DEEP-SEATED ANGER AND RESENTMENT THAT BOILS OVER IN OUTWARD HOSTILITY.

*** THE IDEA IS DON’T DISCOURAGE YOUR CHILDREN AND LEAD THEM TO BOIL OVER. FATHERS ARE URGED TO AVOID ATTITUDES, ACTIONS AND WORDS THAT EXASPERATE, THAT PROVOKE, THAT ROUSE TO WRATH. BREAK THEIR WILL AND NOT THEIR SPIRIT.

**** NOW OBVIOUSLY, FOR SOME CHILDREN WHEN THEIR WILL HAS NOT BEEN BROKEN ANY GUIDELINE OR RULE OR COMMAND MAY MAKE THEM ANGRY.

3. THE REBELLIOUS CHILD THAT HAS BEEN IN CONTROL DOES NOT WANT TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO INITIALLY, AND ANY COMMANDS MAY MAKE THEM ANGRY. THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS NEGATIVE COMMAND IS TALKING ABOUT.

* IT IS TALKING ABOUT DISCOURAGING YOUR CHILDREN BY BEING HARSH YOURSELF, ANGRY, IMPATIENT, UNKIND, TOO HARD, UNREASONABLE WITH YOUR CHILDREN.

** FOR RATHER THAN DISCOURAGING YOUR CHILDREN, YOU NEED TO ENCOURAGE THEM. IN FACT, IN THE COMPANION PARALLEL TEXT TO EPHESIANS 6:4 WHICH IS FOUND IN COLOSSIANS 3:21 IT SAYS: (READ IT).

*** AND BY PROVOKING OUR CHILDREN TO ANGER, WE DISCOURAGE OUR CHILDREN.

**** YET WE NEED TO BE ENCOURAGERS AS PARENTS, ESPECIALLY AS FATHERS.

4. AND IF THERE IS ONE THING I WOULD DO OVER AS A PARENT IT WOULD BE TO SAY YES MORE AT A CERTAIN POINT OF THIS PROCESS AND NO LESS.

* AND WHAT I MEAN IS SOMETIMES WE EXASPERATE OUR CHILDREN BY BEING TOO HARD ON THEM. AND YES THEIR WILLS MUST BE GUIDED AND BROKEN, BUT THEY CANNOT BE CONTROLLED.

** LET ME ILLUSTRATE. WELL-MEANING OVERPROTECTION IS A COMMON CAUSE OF RESENTMENT IN CHILDREN. PARENTS WHO SMOTHER THEIR CHILDREN, OVERLY RESTRICT WHERE THEY CAN GO AND WHAT THEY CAN DO, NEVER TRUST THEM TO DO THINGS ON THEIR OWN AND CONTINUALLY QUESTION THEIR JUDGMENT BUILDS A BARRIER BETWEEN THEMSELVES AND THEIR CHILDREN.

*** USUALLY UNDER THE DELUSION THAT THEY ARE BUILDING A CLOSER RELATIONSHIP.

**** AND YES CHILDREN NEED CAREFUL GUIDANCE AND CERTAIN RESTRICTIONS AND THEY NEED TO BE DISCIPLINED.

5. BUT THEY MUST LEARN TO MAKE DECISIONS ON THEIR OWN. WE ARE RAISING THEM TO LEAVE US, TO BE RESPONSIBLE INDIVIDUALS THAT ARE DEPENDENT ON THE LORD.

* SO AGAIN CHILDREN NEED DISCIPLINE, BUT NOT DISCIPLINE IN ANGER, WHICH MANY OF US HAVE DONE.

** DISCIPLINE IS GIVEN TO CHANGE WRONG BEHAVIOR, NOT AS ANGER BECAUSE THEY HAVE EMBARRASSED US OR CHALLENGED US.

*** AND AT TIMES WE PROVOKE OUR CHILDREN TO ANGER BY OUR UNRIGHTEOUS ANGER FOR UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS FOR THEIR AGE. I MEAN WHEN THEY ARE 8 THEY ARE NOT GOING TO ACT LIKE THEY ARE 16.

**** FAVORITISM ALSO CAUSES EXASPERATION. ISAAC FAVORED ESAU OVER JACOB AND REBEKAH PREFERRED JACOB OVER ESAU.

6. AND THAT DUAL AND CONFLICTING FAVORITISM NOT ONLY CAUSED GREAT TROUBLE FOR THE IMMEDIATE FAMILY, BUT HAS CONTINUED TO HAVE REPERCUSSIONS IN THE CONFLICTS BETWEEN THE DESCENDENTS OF JACOB AND ESAU UNTIL OUR PRESENT AGE.

* THEN PUSHING ACHIEVEMENT IN SCHOOL AND SPORTS BEYOND REASONABLE BOUNDS CAUSES EXASPERATION, UNKIND CRUEL WORDS CAUSE EXASPERATION.

** AND MY POINT FROM THESE ILLUSTRATIONS IS THAT AS FATHERS AND PARENTS WE NEED TO BE TOUGH AND TENDER. LOVING OUR CHILDREN BY DISCIPLINING THEM IN LOVE, BUT WE MUST DO IT IN LOVE, BREAKING THEIR WILL AND NOT THEIR SPIRITS IN THE PROCESS.

*** AND NONE OF US AS PARENTS HAVE DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT. BUT NOT EXASPERATING OUR CHILDREN IS A CLEAR CONTINUOUS COMMAND THAT MUST BE IN FRONT OF US AS PARENTS.

**** AND THE NEGATIVE COMMAND IS BALANCED OUT BY A POSITIVE COMMAND IN THE REST OF V. 4 SO LOOK BACK AT V. 4 WHERE WE’LL SEE THE POSITIVE COMMAND.

II. THE POSITIVE COMMAND, (READ V. 4)

A. NOW THE POSITIVE COMMAND IS TO BRING UP OUR CHILDREN IN A CERTAIN WAY.

* AND THE PHRASE “BRING THEM UP” LIT. MEANS TO NURTURE THEM, TO NOURISH UP TO MATURITY, OF REARING OR BRINGING UP CHILDREN TO MATURITY.

** IT MEANS TO BRING UP FROM CHILDHOOD, TO BRING UP, TO REAR UP, TO NURTURE.

*** NOW HOW DO WE NURTURE, BRING UP OUR CHILDREN?

**** WELL, IN THE DISCIPLINE AND INSTRUCTION OF THE LORD.

1. AND THIS WORD DISCIPLINE OR TRAINING OR NURTURE REFERS IN THE GREEK TO THE SYSTEMATIC TRAINING OF CHILDREN.

* AND IT INCLUDES THE IDEA OF CORRECTION FOR WRONGDOING AS SEEN IN THE BOOK OF PROVERBS. READ PROVERBS 13:24, PROVERBS 19:18 AND PROVERBS 29:15.

** NOW THIS DISCIPLINE, THIS CORRECTION, THIS REPROOF IS ALWAYS TO BE DONE IN LOVE FOR THE CHILD TO ULTIMATELY TRAIN THEM, NOT AS RETALIATION IN ANGER.

*** AND OF COURSE OUR PERFECT PATTERN FOR THIS IS GOD’S CHASTENING OF HIS CHILDREN, READ HEBREWS 12:6-8.

**** HEBREWS 12:10 – “FOR THEY DISCIPLINED US FOR A SHORT TIME AS SEEMED BEST TO THEM, BUT HE DISCIPLINES US FOR OUR GOOD, SO THAT WE MAY SHARE HIS HOLINESS.”

V. 11 – “ALL DISCIPLINE FOR THE MOMENT SEEMS NOT TO BE JOYFUL, BUT SORROWFUL; YET TO THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN TRAINED BY IT, AFTERWARDS IT YIELDS THE PEACEFUL FRUIT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.”

2. ALSO READ PROVERBS 3:11&12 AND JOB 5:17.

* NOW THE LORD ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS DOES IT OUT OF LOVE TO CORRECT WRONG BEHAVIOR.

** AND WE ARE TO TRAIN OUR CHILDREN THAT WAY, TO APPLY PROVERBS 22:6, READ IT.

*** SO OUR CHILDREN ARE TO BE TRAINED BY DISCIPLINE. THEIR WILLS MUST BE BROUGHT INTO SUBMISSION TO US AND ULTIMATELY TO THE LORD.

**** SUSANNAH WESLEY, THE MOTHER OF JOHN AND CHARLES WESLEY, RAISED 17 CHILDREN AND HAD THESE WORDS TO SAY ABOUT RAISING CHILDREN.

3. “THE PARENT WHO STUDIES TO SUBDUE SELF WILL IN HIS CHILD WORKS TOGETHER WITH GOD IN THE RENEWING AND SAVING A SOUL.”

* SO THEIR WILL MUST BE SUBDUED, BROUGHT INTO SUBMISSION TO OUR WILL AND ULTIMATELY TO GOD’S WILL AND WE DO THIS BY DISCIPLINE, TRAINING, BUT ALSO WITH INSTRUCTION OR ADMONITION IN THE LAST PART OF V. 4.

** AND THIS WORD LIT. MEANS “PUTTING IN MIND” AND ALSO INCLUDES THE CONNOTATION OF CORRECTION.

*** IT REFERS TO THE TYPE OF INSTRUCTION FOUND IN THE BOOK OF PROVERBS WHERE THE PRIMARY FOCUS IS ON THE TRAINING AND TEACHING OF CHILDREN.

**** AND THIS TYPE OF TRAINING AND TEACHING HAS TO DO WITH RIGHT ATTITUDES AND PRINCIPLES OF BEHAVIOR.

4. IT IS INSTRUCTION BY MEANS OF THE SPOKEN WORD, WHETHER THAT WORD BE TEACHING, WARNING OR ENCOURAGEMENT. IT REFERS PRIMARILY TO WHAT IS SAID TO THE CHILD.

* AND CERTAINLY, SYSTEMATICALLY TEACHING OUR CHILDREN THE WORD OF GOD IS A PART OF THIS AS TIMOTHY WAS TAUGHT THE SCRIPTURES FROM CHILDHOOD UP, READ II TIMOTHY 3:14&15.

** AND PARENTS TEACH YOUR CHILDREN THE SCRIPTURES IN A SYSTEMATIC WAY AS WE ARE TRYING TO DO THAT AS A CHURCH IN A SYSTEMATIC ORDERLY WAY LIKE ALL OF EDUCATION. (WHAT DO THEY NEED TO KNOW AND IN WHAT ORDER DO THEY NEED TO KNOW IT.)

*** AND OF COURSE ALL OF THIS DISCIPLINE AND INSTRUCTION IS “OF THE LORD” OR “IN THE LORD”.

**** FOR THE KEY TO RIGHT DISCIPLINE AND INSTRUCTION OF CHILDREN IS ITS BEING OF THE LORD. IT IS CHRISTOCENTRIC, IT REVOLVES AROUND CHRIST AND IS ULTIMATELY DONE FOR CHRIST.

5. IT IS CHRISTIAN DISCIPLINE AND INSTRUCTION DONE FOR HIM, IT IS THE CHRISTIAN WAY OF TRAINING CHILDREN.

AND AS I WRAP UP THIS TEXT TODAY (1) LET ME SAY AS PARENTS WE WILL FAIL OFTEN IN OUR HUMANNESS.

* BUT AS HOWARD HENDRICKS SAID: “CHILDREN ARE NOT LOOKING FOR PERFECT PARENTS; BUT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR HONEST PARENTS, AN HONEST, PROGRESSING PARENT IS A HIGHLY INFECTIOUS PERSON.”

** AND HOW TRUE THAT STATEMENT IS. SO WHEN WE FAIL AS PARENTS, BE HONEST WITH THEM, ASK THEM TO FORGIVE YOU, SHOW THEM A MODEL OF HUMILITY.

*** FOR REMEMBER SYNONYMOUS TO LEADERSHIP IS EXAMPLESHIP, DIRECTION NOT PERFECTION IS THE ISSUE. DIRECTION BY THE LORD THROUGH BEING A SPIRIT FILLED PARENT, THE WAY WE ARE ENABLED TO BE THE PARENTS WE NEED TO BE SUPERNATURALLY.